Irreplaceable [1/2]

Pairing: Taeyeon/Jessica.

G; nothing is easy in love, but the saddest thing is when you lose it, especially if you had never imagined your life without that other person. There are times when other people get in between and ruin it, unknowingly to the two who are in love. This story concentrates on a painful break up (that probably shouldn’t even count as one) of Taeyeon and Jessica, and a second chance 6 years later.

 


 

PART 1

The airport is almost empty at 4 am in the morning. That’s how I prefer it because it leaves a lot of time to gather my thoughts. My thoughts that has been scattered since two days ago after Yoona’s call. You’re getting married. I guess for real this time… no more complications. No one getting in between.

I still remember waking up in a hospital bed with no one around. Just an empty room and all I could hear was my own beating heart. The last thing I remembered was rushing to our wedding ceremony. I was so happy and so in love. I always believed you felt the same. I put my trust in you. But I woke up alone. Next day visitors kept coming in and checking on my condition but none of them were you.

Yoona told me that you left the country two days after our marriage ceremony. Our wedding. A wedding that didn’t happen because I got in an accident.

I didn’t want to believe that you just left me and I tried searching for you. Asking friends, relatives, even your parents where you could be. No one told me that. Either they didn’t know or they didn’t want to tell me.

I guess that’s something I could have expected from your parents. They have never liked me. Surprisingly, the reason wasn’t the fact that I am a girl. They have always wished that you could marry your childhood friend Tiffany but I got in the way. That’s something they never forgave me for.

I knew that you were back in Seoul for some time now. Only after learning that you came back to get married…in the same place where we were suppose to share our vows and promise to stay together forever…I couldn’t just sit and wait.

I have no intention of interrupting your marriage. Despite everything I wish you happiness. I just want to know why…why haven’t you stayed by my side? Why you went away? Why you didn’t care?

xxx

I notice someone waving at me from across the airport. I told Yoona I don’t need escort from the airport but she still came.

“Jessica! Finally! I haven’t seen you in ages!” the girl literally jumped on me and it was a miracle that I managed to stand my ground.

“Let’s go see the city! No no… let’s go to our favorite places first…no wait… maybe we could eat somewhere first! Oh…I have so much on my mind! You probably forgot how Seoul looks! Let me show you everything!”

I laughed shortly “breathe…” and after that added more seriously. “I need to take care of something first…and then we can do whatever you like… I plan on staying for at least a couple of weeks”.

“Take care of something…you mean?”

“Yes…I need to know why… just a simple question… I think it is better to ask now. I don’t want to regret that I didn’t for the rest of my life. I need to know… maybe then I can move on.”

“You should have moved on long time ago! Wait how much time passed? About six years, right? You should have moved on at least five years ago… no wait you were still in a coma at that time… well at least four years ago!”

We headed out of the airport and I liked the support of Yoona, so I forced myself to keep on smiling. The girl kept on rambling about my moving on while I got lost in my thoughts again. How long it take Taengoo to move on? I shouldn’t call her that anymore…just Taeyeon…”

Taeyeon parents weren’t good actors and I could see that they were happy that we’re through when I tried searching for her and asked them where she could be. They were overjoyed. I wouldn’t be surprised if the one that’s Taeyeon is getting married to is Tiffany. That would be their preference, after all. Wait… maybe Yoona knows about this as well. After all, she somehow found out about the wedding.

“Eh…Yoong? Who’s Taeyeon is getting married to?”

My friend scowled at me “I keep telling you that you should move on and forget about her and you asked me this out of the blue? Were you even listening to what I am saying? Of course not… who am I fooling here… who knows…some guy… Barry, Baek? I don’t remember his name but he’s not someone that we know. I wouldn’t be surprised if the marriage is calculated as it would be beneficial for both of their companies… also Taeyeon’s parents approve of him if that’s what you’re curious about.”

“Of course they do”, I sigh defeated “anyone is better than me… but wait… why not Tiffany? I remember how her parents always said that they would be the happiest if Hwang were in my place instead… so Taeyeon likes guys now or what? I remember she once told me that I’m the only she sees.”

I realize that I said this bitterly but my mind is still clouded for all the information. I’m allowed to be angry. I have noticed that Yoong avoided my eyes from some time. But with my intense staring I won her over.

“Fany was the one who told me about the wedding because she’s the bridesmaid… just like in your wedding… well if you two had gotten married… you know I haven’t kept in touch with them and we started communicating only recently. The girls don’t even know that I told you about it…”

“I don’t even know what’s on their minds because they haven’t asked about you even once… I wish I could have come to the church that day so I would have at least seen what was happening there while you were in the hospital… Also Fany is actually taken. She got together with Sunny four years ago. I guess only Tae’s parents wished for them to be a thing”.

“I see…” it hurt knowing that Taeyeon never asked about me. Not even once. Did I meant so little to her?

“Do you know where I can find her?”

“Who? Tiffany?”

“Sunny… I haven’t talked with her for years…but I think she would tell me where I can find Taeyeon. We were good friends some time ago…also she should understand my reasons.”

Yoona seemed doubtful about it. “You know she changed a little…well she’s running after Tiffany like she’s a god now. Maybe I should ask… I will say that I can’t find Taeng but I need to give her something… I will think of an excuse. If you do that… she might just call Taeyeon herself and tell her that you’re back.”

Giving a second thought that was way better option so I had to agree. Ten minutes later we were sitting in the backseat of taxi and Yoona was already calling Sunny. Just like she guessed she got the answer quite immediately, though even I could hear Sunny’s discontent. I looked at the clock. 5 am. We should have probably discussed the time for the call.

Yoona told me that when Sunny talked with Taeyeon last time she mentioned that she plans on spending her Sunday at home so I had more than enough time to get a shower and get ready for the talk.

xxx

I stood in front of Taeyeon’s apartment around 9 am. I knew that she might be sleepy because she has always used her free days for extra sleep. Her logic told her that this way she gets all the hours of sleep that are necessary for humans thought obviously all the articles on the Internet told otherwise.

With trembling hand I knocked on the door and stood there waiting. I noticed that she doesn’t have peephole on her doors. That’s an advantage as she might just ignore me and leave me standing here. That’s not Taeyeon’s style… but she wasn’t there when I needed her the most. Why I am still making excuses for her?

I waited for about two minutes and knocked again. I counted the numbers in my mind to know how much time passed. That’s how pathetic I was.

The door on full swing caught me off guard. Now I realized the reason why it took Taeyeon some time since she stood there just in her towel, clutching it with one hand. Her hair was still wet and some drops of water were falling on the her shoulders and floor.

“What do you want?” Taeyeon asked before seeing who’s behind the door. The second her eyes landed on me she unconsciously gasped and before I could open my mouth shut the door in front of me.

I think I heard some voices inside the apartment but I couldn’t be sure. During these few seconds I only managed to see her face. The same face that I remembered and still dreamed about every night… It finally hit me how much I actually missed her. How irreplaceable she is for me.

I was about to knock again not ready to give up but before I could do that Taeyeon opened the doors herself. This time I managed to form a faint smile and said short “hello” while waiting for some reaction from the shorter girl.

It took her few more seconds to speak up “what do you want?” she repeated the question a bit annoyed but I could see curiosity behind those expressive eyes too. Some time ago… I knew them so well… could they lie to me? They never did before.

“Can I… come in? Can we talk?” I asked politely not sure how to start this conversation. I felt that Taeyeon is the one who should give me an explanation but for some reason standing right in front of her I feel petrified and can’t start demanding things. That’s not how I planned to have this conversation in my mind.

Believe me I imagined this scene way too many times. How I would speak my mind and made her listen. How I demand Taeyeon to explain her reasons… how she will apologize and we get back together… of course… that was only a dream.

“If you’re busy with someone else I can meet you any other day,” I added bitterly remembering the voices from inside the apartment.

I expected her to agree to this term but instead Taeyeon stood aside and let me in “that’s just my TV,” she commented simply while closing the door and rushing to the other room to turn it off. When she got back all I could hear was silence.

She looked at me expectantly. So yeah… I’m the one who needs to speak. Fine. I can speak. I have a lot to say.
I opened my mouth but nothing came up. I just stood there staring at her. Her figure that looked just I remember, her brown expressive eyes that always betrayed her little lies, her lips who shared the most beautiful smiles with me, the same lips that I couldn’t stop kissing and never got tired of.

I don’t think I was in my right mind when I stepped closer to her, cupping Taeyeon’s cheeks and capturing her lips. I have expected her to push me away as she froze under my touch but instead I felt her answering the kiss. She even pulling me closer. Few seconds later she bit my lip and not in a playful way.

This reminded me of situation and made me retreat from the kiss. I still felt her lips on mine. It felt like all my senses were coming back to me right this moment. Her smell invaded my nose. Her furious fuming, red and angry face caught my complete attention.

“What are you doing, Jessica? Do you think you can just get back from…who knows where and do this?”
Taeyeon… she rarely called me just by my name. But wait… what is she talking about.

“What do you mean?” I questioned confused why I am the one who’s being blamed for something.

“I’m talking about the fact that you have no right to do this to me again! You ran away from our wedding and what… now you found out that I’m getting married and decided to play more? I’m having none of it!” with unreasonable amount of strength Taeyeon pushed me through the door.

Before Taeyeon smashed the door into my face I noticed her eyes full of tears “I don’t need another break up letter from you!” with that I had to back out or the strength of the door would have broken my nose.

I stood few more seconds trying to gather my thoughts and understand what Taengoo was talking about. My Taengoo who kissed with the same passion like before… my Taengoo who cried when she saw me… I want to scream in frustration so someone…anyone would tell me what her words means! I have never written any letter to her…especially not a break up letter. What the hell? Why instead of getting answers after coming here I got even more questions?

From the last stare Taengoo gave me I doubt she going to tell me anything. But I need to ask around…someone will know what all of this means.

xxx

I met up with Yoong next morning because my curios friend wanted to know everything that happened the day before. I barely slept so my condition couldn’t be described as a good one. Still… I decided that there’s no point staying in bed and hiding from the reality of life.

“I’m so confused… Taengoo…I mean… Taeyeon blamed me for everything from the second she laid her eyes on me…well no… at first she slammed the doors and I thought that she might just leave me hanging.”

“And then?” Yoong seemed unusually calm about the situation. As if she was trying on purpose to control her usual vitality.

“Well… we talked a bit… well no… I stole a kiss and then we walked a bit…”

“You did WHAT?” yes, there is my friend. “Are you insane? You haven’t seen each other for six years and the first thing you do is steal a kiss? Are you retarded?”

“Eh…it kind of happened I didn’t plan it, you know!” I pouted because of the scowl and added “also… don’t you want to hear the full situation… not just beginning of it?”

Yoona eyed me as if I was really insane but nod encouraging me to continue. I told my best friend everything that happened in Taeyeon’s apartment and waited for some comments, even if she scowls at me again. It is better than that silence treatment that she’s now giving me.

Apparently I interpreted Yoona’s silence as a bad thing but the girl surprised me with a sudden comment.

“Maybe… I’m against it… but maybe you should try talk with Fany and Sunny…Tiffany might try to kill you… but there’s some hope that Sunny would tell you something if you convince her that you truly don’t know what is happening.”

“Maybe… Maybe I should try…”

xxx

I waited for a day knowing that Yoong arranged the meeting and drove to Sunny’home. I don’t know about her and Tiffany relationship status, but they are living together so it must be serious. I knock on their front door nervously and let out a breath I have been holding when Sunny was the one opening the doors.

“Oh…hi,” she greeted me awkwardly while letting me in. I think I heard her whisper “I’m sorry if Fany…” but she didn’t get a change to finish the sentence as Tiffany came from their kitchen.

“You have already ruin a perfect morning… so just tell us what you want and leave. I hope you can fled the city like before. The sooner – the better.”

I bit my lip unsure how to start the conversation (it was unusual for me to react this way. Any other day I would have had a good comeback for Tiffany’s rude comment, but confusion somehow clouded my mind.) Luckily Sunny nod her head encouraging me.

“I’m…I have met with Taeyeon few days ago…”

Tiffany raised her hand while pointing in my direction accusingly “See Sunny! I told you… who else could leave Taeyeon such a mess! Of course it had to be you,” she added through gritted teeth and I had to step back a bit.

I have always had somewhat decent relationship with Tiffany. We barely spend time together, I could probably count those times on my fingers and also all of them were with either Taengoo or Sunny. Surprisingly these two weren’t even together back then. To put it simple, we were neither friends nor enemies, it worked out for us that way. This hostility though came out of nowhere.

I tried to forget Tiffany’s accusation for a moment and concentrated on my reason coming here. ” I know you lost contact with Yoong and there is a lot that she can’t tell me. The thing is… I need to find out what had happened.”

“You left my best friend at the altar waiting for you. That’s what happened.”

“Well yes…obviously I couldn’t come because of my…”

I didn’t get to finish when unexpectedly Tiffany slapped me. “Really? You talk so freely about it? Just leave. Taeyeon is happy and she doesn’t need you anymore. If I have to see her as hurt as she has been back then…I will haunt you down.”

Tiffany stopped her threatening stance when she heard microwave in the kitchen. “When I get back…I don’t want to see this one in my home.”

She immediately turn around and walked out leaving me speechless. I turn to look at Sunny who scratched her head and smiled apologetically “I told Yoona that there is only one way this conversation could go… but I also made a promise… she said that it is literally the last thing she’s going to ask from me… so here.”

Sunny extended her hand with a key in it.

“Is that…what I think it is?”

“Yoona probably has some sort of plan… I think it is best if you discuss it with her.”

Sunny looked at the direction of kitchen with a wonder “I think you should go…Tiffany might come back with a knife.”

I looked at the girl wide eyed. I knew that Tiffany had a temper when it came to certain things so it is better not to risk it. I took the key rushing to their front door but still… I had to ask… to get a confirmation so I can either move on or maybe…fight for my one true love.

“Is…she really happy?”

I should have asked Sunny this earlier because she already rushed me outside when Tiffany came back to the room. Before closing the doors she looked at me wondering for a second, she didn’t say anything but shook her head.

I got an answer that made my heart flutter with hope… Taengoo…I’m going to figure out what all of this means. This can’t be the end of our story.
I had been back home for almost five days now. I met few of my classmates that we lost touch through the years, and once evening Yoona forced me to have dinner with her and SeoHyun (as if I haven’t know the girl). Of course… I haven’t seen Hyun for a long time, but I have always remembered how she ran away from my ‘crazy in love’ best friend.

I think Seohyun even moved to a different country running away from her stalker…but guess what, Yoong didn’t waste her time and moved right after her.

Surprisingly all this creepiness payed off, Seohyun agreed to go out with her and realized that she might as well fall for older (but less mature) girl.

They have been together ever since, I knew this because Yoong called me telling all the details of their relationship. It creeps me out how much I knew but tried not to show it or Seohyun might as well try to run away from my friend again.

Honestly, there meeting were good distractions but no matter what I did… Taeyeon stayed on my mind…and in my heart.

xxx

Yoong told me that we need to be cautious and wait until Taeyeon leaves for work. She has also shared that crazy idea of breaking into her apartment and searching for that letter… letter that ruined our past and that I wasn’t even aware that existed.

We could go to jail for breaking in… but what else is there to do… Taeyeon hasn’t tried to speak with me again, Tiffany would probably run me down with a car if I try to get in contact with Sunny again… and I’m definitely not going to meet Taeyeon’s parents again. They don’t care about my misery.

We agreed that Yoona will be on the look out, she mentioned that there might be a chance that Taeyeon burn or thrown my letter away or maybe it doesn’t even exist and she just told me about it just to mess with my head, but I knew my Taengoo too well…

She wouldn’t have throw it away… she would have kept it and read it repeatedly trying to convince herself that what is written is true. I have just hoped that I can find her hiding place.

xxx

The big day come and I was looking around the apartment. Yoona agreed to text me if she sees something suspicious and because we went quite early… I had hope to end this mission successfully.

Look at me acting like a child. But ask yourself… what would you do if your world turn upside down just like that.

After an hour of aimless search and Yoong texting me randomly out of boredom, I was close to giving up until I noticed Taeyeon perv section. I will let your imagination ruin wild what kind of things there were… would she leave it inside something like this? I had to check.

YES! I was close to tearing up for finding that letter. As I guessed it has been used many. It instantly caught my attention ‘Dear Taengoo’… was written down on the envelope.

I was taken back a bit realizing that it definitely resembles my handwriting. It is not an exact 100% match… but even I would have believed that these are my thoughts.

Too much of a coincidence, if I might add.

My hands were shaking but I couldn’t wait any longer. I looked inside to read everything that has been written. Unconsciously tears started falling down my cheeks.

xxx

Dear Taengoo,

I have been thinking about this for so long… I couldn’t say when my doubts started… were they before you proposed to me or after…

But they always stayed in my head… torturing me…

It is all my fault, for waiting so long… for not expressing them out loud… for leading you on…

I’m choosing the worst possible moment to say this… but if not now…when?

I would only make it harder if I come today… I don’t want a scene where I burst into tears while standing next to you at the altar and ran out like in some drama…

I also realize it is unfair to you no matter what I do. Especially when you stayed by my side…fought for this love.

Everyone around us kept telling you that at some point I will give up, but you were so determined to make me yours… with your pervert comments and cuddles.

You kept telling me how beautiful and special I am…and I guess… I just didn’t want to lose any of that. I got spoiled by your attention and hide my true feelings somewhere deep inside.

I realize now… maybe I DO love you… but it is not the same thing you feel for me.

I’m so sorry Taengoo! But you have time now… time to find the one for yourself! Your true love! Time to move on from an idiot like me!

I wish to see you happy… but it is better for me to disappear… If I stayed near it would only hurt you more.

This is a goodbye… please don’t hate me.

xxx

 
What the hell have I just read? It sounded like me… that’s the worst part. Not the point about our love…my love for Taengoo… but everything else… gosh… everyone saw that I was freaking out and even expressed uncertainty about our wedding back then.

What bride wouldn’t panic before her wedding, though? I need to think… there has to be a clue or something…

I was about to read it again and torture myself even more if I haven’t heard familiar-confused voice.

“What…what are you doing here?” Taeyeon asked while unconscionably dropping down her keys.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s