Every night, whenever I suddenly woke up to go to the toilet, or simply didn’t feel restless enough to keep my eyes shut, I heard snoring.
Yes, my darlings, snoring.
We all know that snoring is the vibration of respiratory structures and the resulting sound due to obstructed air movement during breathing while sleeping. That’s the definition, as they say, but it doesn’t prepare you for the actual thing.
It is kind of funny, for the outsiders at least, when you mention that every night the sounds are different. Sometimes it happens according to some sort of rhythm and you pretty much know when to expect another sound, other times it is disorganized and you try to keep track, but find it impossible to do.
When you have to deal with something every day, you even make a research on it. There are illustrations on the Internet, almighty Google helps me every time, that shows how people snore in different countries. How crazy is that?
For instance, in Bulgaria the sound is similar to: HURRRRRR.
In France it is: Ron Pchi.
Vietnam – Kho Kho.
Poland – CHRRR.
Japan – Gu Gu.
The last example was how Koreans do it, and the sound is similar to: De Reu Rung.
Was that any helpful in my case? NO. OF COURSE NOT. Are those people crazy and think it is some sort of joke? I wouldn’t know how to describe the sounds I’m hearing but it is definitely something more like this: “ZZZ-ZZzzz-hngGGggh-Ppbhww- zZZzzzZZ . . .” with a million addition sounds that almost makes you imagine worst case scenarios that only happen in horror movies.
Never in my life I thought, there will be a day when I will try to understand what kind of snoring I’m hearing, but that day come.
It came when I met the love of my life – Kim Taeyeon.
Ironically, she was, or should I say is, a petite looking girl that can’t barely run or stand against strong wind, she has the most expressive eyes and cute dimple smile. She’s like a dream come true… during the day, of course. At night, it might turn into a nightmare. Oh bloody hell… I’m getting ahead of myself.
The thing is… Taeyeon appeared like an angel. Blondie, small, adorable, kid-like. During our first date she even sat with her hands folded (as a lady), wore very bland nail polish, and almost undetectable makeup. You would never have imagined that such cutie could produce such sounds.
But she knew her way around… I am an extrovert, there are no obstacles in my way – only that Kim Taeyeon made me weak. After our third date, I was planning on hugging her. I did that every single time to show our closeness, also because I didn’t want to rush and wasn’t sure what she thinks about taking another step, but something was off. I could tell. Instead of a hug, she stretched her hand ahead and smiled awkwardly.
“What’s the matter?” I asked confused. I was confused, for me it appeared that everything went well. That we were getting closer every day. Constant text messages only proved my theory.
Instead of an explanation, she smiled apologetically “there is something you don’t know about me yet… it would change everything. I like…like you a lot, Fany. I don’t think I could handle rejection well… so… it is better to leave it as it is… before… before we took another step into this relationship.”
“What? No! I mean… aren’t we two in this relationship! What is the reason? Can’t you at least tell me? It is not fair!”
Taeyeon sigh, defeated. I don’t know why, but sometimes I believe that it was a sneaky way from her side. This little sleeping devil might as well planned all of this from the very start.
“The thing is… I snore… not every night… I…I’m not sure when it happens since I can’t actually hear or control myself, only other people told me of this… but that is a problem, Fany. Believe me… I tried consulting a specialist. I had even had a surgery, but it only made it worse.”
“That’s it?” I asked confused. Oh… my young, naive, confused self… I looked so differently at the world. Always so hopeful… you could have called me hopeless romantic, I wouldn’t have denied it.
“That’s a lot… I don’t think you can actually handle it.”
For me – this sounded as a challenge. “I can handle it. It is not a problem. That can’t be a reason to end this! It just can’t! I like you a lot too. It is not a problem!”
Taeyeon smiled and kissed me then. It felt like I made the right choice and got a reward. I was determined and didn’t actually believe that her snoring can be a trouble. Oh… but sleepless night did prove otherwise.
It took us some time to take another step and until that time I still had no idea how bad her snoring can be. I noticed her friends worried glances at me sometimes, as if they counted the days until I leave Taeyeon. No one spoke up, but they say that body language usually tells about a person more than any words that come from their mouth.
It didn’t discourage me though and truth be told… I certainty didn’t hear any snoring during our first night together… maybe there weren’t enough sleeping involved, or maybe because Taeyeon managed to tire me off. She succeeded at that a lot of times… and I even considered that maybe she was overreacting and it just something that happens once in a a two months… it was her only weakness after all. I believed that Taeyeon was just too self conscious about it.
The hopeless romantic in me also realized that I’m falling in love, stronger than ever before… and you know what happens when you fall in love, right? You walk around looking at everything through pink glasses and yes, I admit, it is very good to have pink glasses in a combination to other accessories of female clothes. Pink is my color. Pink – is life. But in this case I looked through pink glasses in naive perception of an objective reality. I saw perfection and forgot about the flaw.
Some time in our relationship, when everything was still going smoothly, I decided to take another step. I suggested and convinced Taeyeon that moving in together is the best thing we can do. I mean come on… everything was going smoothly, even her friends looked at me different, without fear and with support.
I was on cloud nine… until I woke up one night and for a moment thought that World War started in the country. That’s how much noise this little human made and it scared me for at least a minute. I did ease into it, after few more moments, but it did take me by surprise. How is it possible that I haven’t heard it before? Is there a thief, hiding somewhere in our house and making these strange noises? No… of course not… the only one who had a whole orchestra coming from her mouth was Taeyeon. I knew that one of her hobbies was singing… but that’s a whole new level.
After that first night, something in me clicked. I woke up more often and every single time, I heard Taeyeon snoring. There were even nights when I couldn’t go back to sleep… and I do tried some tricks like earplugs, or I even put on headphones and listened to music. Nothing saved me from these sounds. But it didn’t make me stop loving her either.
Just like any other couple, we had a lot of fights. Especially when we lived together for more than a year and felt comfortable enough around each other. Probably 80% of those fights started because of those snores. I was cranky and sleepy and couldn’t think clearly. I blamed Taeyeon even knowing that she’s not doing it intentionally.
Also, every single time Taeyeon reminded me that she warned me about it from the very start. Of course, even knowing and remembering that day clearly (because how can I forget the day of our first kiss) I was still too proud to admit defeat.
The fights went on to the point that we broke up. We believed that it is for the best, but it broke my heart a little when Taeyeon mentioned that I deserve someone better when all I wanted was her, or maybe I just wanted to go back to the time before I heard that orchestra of snores.
I slept like a baby the first time when we broke up. Honestly, it was the best night sleep I had in years and it made me believe that our break-up was the right choice. Until the morning came and I didn’t see her angelic face looking back at me.
I still tried to convince myself that it was for the better and that I can sleep happily from now on. Ironically, I couldn’t fall asleep after that night… I cried… I tossed around… I searched the Internet for snoring sounds… yes… I fall that low… but no one sounded the same as Taeyeon… and none other of my methods worked.
I knew then… that I love her all.
I come to the conclusion that I can’t live without her. That I need Taeyeon in the same way that I need breath.
I was determined to get Taeyeon back right that instant. It was 3PM, I might add, when I jumped out of my bed and rushed to her old apartment. I knew that Taeyeon was staying there since she left this place for me. Always the selfless one… the one who believed that she didn’t deserve me because of this one flaw… oh how wrong I was before… how foolish… how selfish…
I knocked at her door and probably looked like a crazy person. No wait. I did look like a crazy person. Have I mentioned the fact that I only put my coat one and came wearing slippers instead of actual boots? I got the confirmation when Taeyeon looked at me confused.
I couldn’t wait, so before speaking I pulled her in for a hug. I might have as well crushed her with my strength. Oh…how I missed this petite body… the smell of her hair shampoo… her milky skin…
Oh yes… I got a bit carried away. I had to control myself for a bit.
“I missed you… I miss you… so SO MUCH, TaeTae!”
“Mmm…?” she lead me inside her apartment, reminding me of my hopeless form, and asked with pure concern. “Have you been sleeping, Fany? You look really tired and…”
“You…can’t?” I wonder, how did Taeyeon manage to be so calm, while I was hysterical.
“I CAN’T! YOU RUINED ME!”
“I’m sorry… what? What have I done?”
I can understand Taeyeon’s confusion now. When I’m in a calm state of mind, but back then… I really couldn’t think clearly. It is possible that I haven’t slept for 36 hours, looking like a zombie, having black eyes, my mind was cloudy. The only thing I knew was… that I needed her…
Realizing that she won’t get a normal answer Taeyeon hugged me shortly and then started treating me like a child “how about we talk about this in the morning? You really need to get some sleep… then… when we wake up… we can discuss everything, okay? I will prepare a bed for you and…”
“Fany…really… I doubt we will manage to understand each other tonight… it is almost 4PM right now… we need to sleep…”
“No no. I mean… can I sleep next to you on a bed? Not in a separate room… just… close to you?”
She smiled sadly at that. “I think… you forgot the fact that we broke up… and we both know the main reason of it…”
“Please,” I was not someone who easily begs, but once again, the need of Taeyeon overpowers my other senses. She relented and pulled me close to her on the bed. Taeyeon even hugged me, sensing that I might ask for it, just like many times before – reading me like an open book.
It didn’t take me long to fall asleep in her embrace… of course it probably took me about 3 hours to wake up again, hearing the quieter version of Taeyeon’s muffled snores.
I smiled at that. How can someone actually miss those kind of sounds is a mystery to me. It makes no sense whatsoever… but it was like hearing my favorite song. It was like that song that gets stuck in your head and later on you realize that you have been listening to it whole day on repeat and still didn’t get enough of it.
It didn’t bother me anymore, didn’t make me cringe. Instead, it brought tears in my eyes. Happy ones.
What kind of heroic deed did I make in my previous life to deserve to look at the face of an angel sleeping next to me? It should have been grand. No doubt.
Next morning I had a lot of explaining to do. A lot of words were exchanged between the two of us… doubts appeared once again and I couldn’t blame Taeyeon.
I made promises and said it doesn’t bother me, that I learn to live with her snoring, that the only thing I actually care about is spending my life with her, but remembering my previous (kind of similar promises) Taeyeon wasn’t that convinced.
I knew that as much as she owns my heart, I own hers too… after half a day of convincing she didn’t have powers in herself to reject me anymore. I promised not only to Taeyeon, but also to myself, that there is no chance in hell, I’m going to lose her again. This time, I did stick to my words earnestly.
It went quite smoothly afterwards, the same kind of smoothly like in the past, that honeymoon phase that all lovers experience. The most important thing to me was seeing Taeyeon’s face whenever I woke up.
“Why are you staring at me, weirdo?”
I had to laugh at her groggy voice. Snoring all night long does take a toll on Taeyeon too, she can barely speak in the morning. Eventually, her voice comes back… but those few first minutes makes me laugh.
“The love of my life, of course. My snoring queen.”
“That sounds cheesy…and weird,” Taeyeon finally opened her eyes and looked at me. The thing about her expressive eyes was that whenever her eyes met mine, I could see love and adoration. That alone make me the happiest girl.
“What? Are you going to complain that I’m in love with your flaw too, now? I think there is some sort of saying that when you love someone you learn to accept their flaws… but in this case I would have to change it to: When you love someone, you not only learn to accept their flaws, you start loving them for it.”
“Cheesy once again… but true… the fact that you obsessed about pink color doesn’t bother me anymore either.”
I pushed her shoulder lightly “very funny. I think in a fight between snoring and pink… we both know which one of the two would win.”
Taeyeon laughed once again, very content with herself “I agree. Snoring is kind of natural, it is not like I can help it, but the obsession of pink… it is like… you brought this on yourself.”
“TaeTae, stop teasing!”
“Okay okay… I give up…” she smiled happily and pulled me closer, hugging me tightly, “I’m glad that you decided to stay. You make me happy.”
Taeyeon closer her eyes and I nuzzled our noses getting even closer to her. “I’m glad too. I love you, my snoring queen.”
“I love you too, Fany-ah.”