G; If a story starts with tears… should it end with a smile?
[Kim Taeyeon Story]
I spend all these years wondering if I made the right decision when I didn’t show up in the park.
I kept on questioning what Jessica would have done, what she would think of it. If she actually knew…would she forgive me? or would she hate me for erasing such an important part from our life? After all, it doesn’t matter how I try to reason and justify it, I had destroyed everything we had.
Honestly, I know what would Jessica think. She would be truly angry at me, because I didn’t let her choose whether she wants to spend her life by my side, even if it is a short one, or never see me again. Jessi was always selfless when it come to me, she wouldn’t have cared even knowing the exact moment her life will end. I think she would have done everything the same way, without any regrets.
Some days I hated myself for my own selfishness… I wanted Jessica to live. To have a full and happy life but at the same time, I can’t lie… I also wanted to avoid this pain. The pain that kept creeping into my heart, soul. The time when all I could do is blame myself for younger girl recklessness… when I kept on asking why it couldn’t have been me. Why do I have to continue my life alone?
I made that girl Sunny promise me one thing… that when the day that Jessica died in the past will come… she’s going to tell me how Jessica spend it. I knew she’s going to survive it… that’s why I at least tried to keep a track on her…once a year… even if I get only one small fact… just knowing that she’s alive made me feel less miserable.
I knew that Jessica spend that day with her friends and family, eating dinner, laughing. She didn’t have to rush anywhere, because there was no me. I didn’t call her.
Actually, Jessica didn’t even learn to drive. I guess that was just one more thing that she wanted to learn for the benefit of me in the past… now she didn’t need to…
Is it selfish that I felt relieve because Jessica didn’t find a new person? Another love? It is… As hard as I wanted to describe my love for her as an unselfish one… Still came these moments where nothing made sense. Were I felt joyful, because just like me… she didn’t find someone else to love. She wasn’t unhappy, she was alive too… but love… that wasn’t a part of her life.
At least not for now.
I knew that it is not going to continue this way for long and I decided that it was a good time for me to leave the country. To stop keeping track on Jessica and wondering about what ifs…and most importantly…. it was time to move on.
She didn’t know I existed… so eventually she will find her happiness too. I’m sure of it… who wouldn’t fall for such an adorable creature like she is? Sooner or later she will find a person who will see only her. Who will love only her.
Before leaving for the airport I still went to visit my favorite bookstore. I kept coming here at least once a week… I don’t know why but I felt drawn to this place. Whenever I came there — I felt like the world and all my troubles were lifted up, that I can breathe again.
It gave me the familiarity that I kept on searching for all these years. While walking out with that book that they gave me as a present, it made me feel like I’m leaving something behind. I kept insisting that it is probably because I somehow associate Jessica with that bookstore. That it felt the same like walking away from the love of my life.
Ironically, only few hours later I had realized that it was exactly what had happened. While having free time before my flight, I decided not to waste it and instead read the book they gave me as a present.
Of course, I guess I will never finish this book, because all it took me was to look at the very first page. The page with a message from Jessica. Her short love confession that broke my heart into a million of pieces and left me with a million of questions.
I know I kept on crying with confusion written all over my face, until I felt the presence of someone else next to me. When I looked to my right, I recognized Sunny. She never changed, no matter from which side you looked at her or how many years had passed.
“I guess you have a lot of questions now”, she stated simply, while staring ahead of herself, not even looking at me. I think I have even noticed her smirking slightly, like that was exactly what she expected to happen. Before I could answer or ask anything, it is quite a difficult task when you’re crying your eyes out, she spoke up again.
“I could give you the longest explanation possible. An explanation that would last for hours or even days, especially if we start talking about all the tricks of this universe and how higher force likes playing with humans. But we don’t have that much time… I think you will be satisfied if I go straight to the point. Whatever questions you have, I can answer them in few sentences. But you will have to board your plane in a few minutes… are you sure you want to hear me out?”
Without thinking I just nod my head. Who cares about the plane or missing a flight. I didn’t care about any of that.
Without even looking at me, Sunny managed to get all my attention. I can’t remember when I listened to someone this attentively at class — and I found it interesting learning new things, so let’s just say I was a good listener. This precise moment though meant way more to me. It was as important as that day in the park.
“The thing is… sometimes we’re destined for that one person. I know that humans are quite sensitive with the topic of destiny and soul mates, I find it funny how they idealize these sort of ideas but at the same time, I can’t say that they are incorrect. When we strongly believe in something… it can become true to us… I can give a simple example while using YOU. You, Taeyeon, believe that Jessica is the love of your life. Not even once you had a thought of searching for someone else that might replace her, not even while hoping that at some point she will find her happiness. Many times, you had thought of searching for younger girl, I know of that. You see… it is easy reading human’s mind. Especially when it is clearly sending signals how much you miss someone or how you would just want to see the person of your affection at least one more time. You blamed yourself and thought that you’re selfish… why? Because you felt relief and happiness knowing that Jessica is single. On the other hand, if Jessica had cried every day how lonely she is… you would have wished for her to find someone. For someone to love the girl the same way that you did. You had rationalized that someone else might even love her more… but that’s not true. You couldn’t find another person on this earth that would love her as much as you do.”
I listened attentively to everything that Sunny said, she didn’t break eye contact and didn’t stop for a second. It sounded like a speech she written before and memorized waiting for a moment like this to recite it.
“That’s the irony of how human’s are so keen on sacrifices but in most cases, they hope for acknowledgment and gratefulness. You never did. I know that you’re blaming yourself once again, because for some unknown reason Jessica saw you… but is that really unknown? She was drawn to you… just like the first time…and I hate being his cheesy… but that’s because you’re her destiny. The only difference this time though… because of your decision earlier… there was force holding her back. You were the only one who could come and greet her. Jessica felt as if she needs to hide whenever she saw you. Younger girl believed that it is because she’s nervous… but that’s just another game of the universe. She still somehow managed to cheat it as you can see… she couldn’t come and greet you, but she found a way to write you a love letter. That is once again…because the strongest force on this earth…is love”.
Sunny got quiet for a moment and I finally managed to speak up.
“I think I’m understanding what are you telling me but…”
“You’re free to make your own decisions. That time had passed…I can’t tell you what’s going to happen in the future… a car might hit Jessica tomorrow… the plane you had missed…might had crashed… we can’t control these sort of things… I mean… you can’t. But you don’t need to waste another day feeling empty… you don’t need to run away. No one is stopping you and no one is keeping you apart. If you really want it…”
“Will she be alright?”, I couldn’t help but ask, feeling both nervous and excited, because of the opportunity.
Sunny shrugged her shoulders and I just lost it.
“WILL SHE BE ALRIGHT?”
Unexpectedly, she laughed at my reaction “Finally. You’re showing your true worry”, she looked up and squinted her eyes slightly “I might get in trouble for this but… yes… I don’t see the repetition. You have avoided that period in time. The important question though… is Jessica going to forgive you…?”
I stood up, though wait… I probably have been standing from the moment I shouted at her. Some people looked at me like I’m insane. Probably it looked that way, I don’t even know if other people can see Sunny.
I felt panic rising up inside of me but at the same time… hope… maybe all of this wasn’t for nothing? I looked up at the book in my hand and squeezed it.
“She wouldn’t believe me, even if I tell her…”
Sunny smirked one more time “You don’t need to tell her anything. She already knows”, without giving me a chance to question her again, she disappeared, leaving me all alone.
At first I felt paralyzed, I couldn’t move, couldn’t think. But in a minute or so, I get all my senses back. I kept thinking only about one thing — I need to get to Jessica — NOW, and after that, I ran.
I just kept on running.
Choi Sooyoung showed up behind Sunny at the moment Taeyeon ran out to see Jessica.
“You know… you were not suppose to do that. It is against rules. Taeyeon made her choice in the past… also, I’m pretty sure that everything you did for those two is against everything we stand for. Changing the time, the incident, saving a life and know bringing them together?”
Sunny sigh a bit defeated “Yeah… I’m quite aware of it. I shouldn’t have interfered — that are the rules”
“So…why did you?”
Sooyoung questioned, knowing that Sunny might get in trouble if other authorities above them figure out what the girl did.
“I’m not quite sure…”, Sunny spoke up honestly while turning around and facing her friend slash co-worker “Like honestly… I don’t know… something just… like some sort of force made me do it. I think I can’t deny pure love when I see it… and their love is so strong… even death can’t take it away. I wouldn’t have interfered again, but…”
“But…without even knowing who Taeyeon is… secretly… with all the powers you used against them… Jessica still fall for Taeyeon all over again?”
It looked like Sooyoung read Sunny’s mind while commenting, though it is possible that it was exactly what the girl actually did since they had a lot of different powers. Sunny could control time and memories, who knows what Sooyoung could do.
“If that’s not fate and true love… then what is? I’m just a hopeless romantic in the end… I can’t help myself…”
“Once again… you might get punished for your… too good to be true heart… no one else would have done it. I still don’t get it…”
Sunny sigh shortly “I think we forget how to be humans when we’re doing these things… but I don’t want to forget”
Sunny smiled to herself and after a moment panicked a bit “okay… I feel that someone is actually inviting me for a serious conversation…gotta go you face the consequences. Could you do me a favor and check on those two? I have sacrificed a lot already… I hope that they will at least get to each other in the end. Like you know… no more stupid and unpredictable incidents getting in a way”.
Sooyoung nod her head. She wasn’t really interested, but a favor is a favor.
“Fine… but…” she was still curious about one thing and who knows what might happen to Sunny later, she might get transfered somewhere else or even… destroyed for disobeying the rules.
“Have you…done something else? I could feel this aura… you control the time so Jessica wouldn’t dare to go to Taeyeon, as badly as she wanted just to go and greet the girl… but I had a feeling that now…”
Sunny smiled mysteriously “just go and see yourself”, she even winkled playfully “and if I won’t get back… keep an eye on those two idiots”.
Sooyoung nod her head shortly. This does sounded like the very last wish. In their line of work and life… that wasn’t that surprising.
[Sooyoung’s POV = Jessica and Taeyeon Story]
After Sunny’s request I went down to check on Jessica and Taeyeon. I can be invisible if I want to, so I get closer wanting to see everything at hand. I still can’t understand why Sunny decided to help this couple.
It was part of the job the first time… we needed to change something. Put some order in people’s life. It didn’t even have anything to do with Jessica’s death and Taeyeon’s pain. It was strictly business. But I was aware of the fact that Sunny kept tabs (something that she has never done before).
She knew that the order could be destroyed if Jessica talks with Taeyeon before the time and she even influenced younger girl’s mind a bit. It came down to that day… the same day of the incident.
If Jessica talked with Taeyeon it might have ended similarly to the first time. When that day passed and Jessica survived… it appears like there is no danger anymore.
This universe is strange, isn’t it?
Oh wait… maybe there is danger?
I squinted my eyes at the scene in front of me. I’m not Sunny so it doesn’t really matter to me much. I’m not going to interfere no matter what, but it appears like unknown car is going very fast and Jessica hasn’t noticed it.
Oh… she’s walking down the street. That’s not good. Maybe this girl just has to die?
Wait… oh… so there is Taeyeon too, she’s running (as I know she kept on running after her conversation with Sunny and hasn’t stopped. If I understand correctly, she’s not even a runner. Love makes people do crazy stuff).
Maybe Taeyeon will sacrifice herself and die for Jessica… she’s heading straight to the girl and well the car is still there.
What can I do?
I’ll just watch what is meant to happen.
Well I wasn’t expecting it. Taeyeon just saved Jessica. They fall on the path and that car speed up ahead. Crazy people. Okay… they do look cute together, maybe Sunny does have a weakness for a reason. Oh… they just stood up…
Wait… they’re staring at each other still not letting go of the other.
WHAT THE HELL JESSICA, that girl is insane or something? Taeyeon just saved her, but she’s screaming and just slapped her. Okay… I do need to get closer and figure out what the hell is wrong with them.
“How could you leave me? I was happy! We were happy! I even died happy! I didn’t care! I felt empty all this time! How the hell I even remember any of this! I am suppose to be dead, right? What the… none of this makes sense! I missed you! I loved you! I couldn’t even remember you, but I knew that there is someone that holds my heart! What the hell Kim Taeyeon?”
“I’m so sorry! I’ll explain everything…I promise… I love you too… I wouldn’t have done any of this if I didn’t… I missed you…I love you…”
Can I just skip this part, I heard ‘I love you’ for about ten times and now they’re making out in front of me.
Sunny you’re really the devil… I heard of this… that after touching the person who had some influence in your life and chanced everything you can get all your memories back.
So does it mean those two are will live happily ever after? Their making out is really intense…
…you’re in the middle of the street.
Maybe I’ll have to go and check on Sunny. I doubt that either of the two really needs me around. I can guess where they will be heading after this intense moment.
Just like I guessed… well both of us did… Sunny did have to suffer the consequences, but unpredictable ones. Apparently, the love she saw with Jessica and Taeyeon, somehow brought her humanity back.
She’s a human now. I’m not even kidding.
They send her back to earth and erased her memory. Insane. She deserved the punishment, but that’s… I didn’t expect it. Even the thought of erasing Sunny from the existence sounded more possible than this.
As an ending note, I can say that I check on them sometimes. I made a promise, after all. Well, I made a promise to keep tabs on Jessica and Taeyeon, but I’m interested in my ex co-worker’s future too. She brought this on herself.
Maybe I am a bit jealous since she got a normal life.
She even has a girlfriend, whose name… well… weird one. Everyone around calls her ‘Fany’ or something. Either way… I skipped the part how they met, but it was somewhat a love at first time. I’m not surprised really… I got a confirmation that Sunny is a hopeless romantic.
Those four get together even. You know, like two couples going to places and talking about life. That ‘Fany’ is Taeyeon and Jessica’s friend, after all. It is a good thing that neither Sunny, nor Taeyeon remember about each other. And it is not like Jessica and Taeyeon could tell others every detail of their love story, people would think that they’re insane.
Who could have thought that a story which started with tears, ends with a smile?